Teams:

Bibs: Rich N, Mike, Andy L, Tony – guest, Darrin – guest, Rick – guest

Shirts: Todd, Dave, Roy, Johan, Rob – guest (not the usual big bald bloke), Adam – guest

Result: 4 – 4

Match Report: (from your on pitch reporter -Baresi)

COLD!!!!!!

First 10 mins – Todd in goal – bibs hit the post 4 + times and Todd save 3 one on one’s. Then Todd comes out of goal, Dave passes and Todd’s first touch hits the back of the net!!!

(a bit like the start of the Arsenal game except that Arsenal didn’t go and score!)…0-1, 1-1, then the tables turn and Johan hits the post twice for the shirts..

3-1 and bibs in control with 15 mins to go.. (I even managed to score the 2^nd goal – as usual from a long way out..)

8.59: 3-4 – all going wrong for bibs…. – goals 3 and 4 gifted by bibs – seems that Ed’s passing across the back disease has spread…

But 5 minutes comes up on the board and in the fifth minute of injury time Mike brings the scores level…

So 4-4 and probably a fair result…

Teams:

Bibs: Todd, Richard A, Nick, Keith, Roy, Andy L

Shirts: Mike, Richard N, Rob, Clive, Dave, Steve

Result: 7 – 6 Bibs

Match Report:

Highlights only: Dave scores 5 and loses. Bibs score twice (once  from own half) – while shirts were changing keepers!  Shoddy turn-out in the pub.

Result: 5 – 3 Bibs

No more match reports until your reporter is fit again!

Result: 8 or 9 – 3 Bibs

Todd (more than 1), Rich A (o.g.)and some others

Shortened, late and rather vague match report due to the continued absence of your reporter.

There was some doubt expressed in the usual quarters about the team selection; although anecdotal evidence from the terraces suggests the teams were not that unbalanced. Indeed for 30 minutes at least, this match was a contest, despite recent man of the match Rich A deciding to lob his own keeper (Andy L – no mean feat to get that up and over).

But then one man got the game by the scruff of the neck to make a difference.

Ed, clearly feeling thirsty, decided that Todd wasn’t getting enough service (check the teamsheets) and was in need of a hat-trick or two.  Ignoring the age-old advice of ‘get it away’ he opted for not one, but several, across the back-line passes leading one observer to comment that his game was best summed up as ‘raped and pillaged’.

There’s always next week – as ever.

Result: 4 – 2 shirts

Roy(1), Russ(1), Dave(1), Grant(1) – Rich A (1), Allen (1)

Well – where to start?

On a bitterly cold night a cursory glance at the match programme showed we had pitched all the defenders against all the attackers – not so much a game of football more a scientific exercise. But more of that later.

A late call-up for Roy (apologies again Ian) following a mix-up with the teamsheets -  Roy may have felt he had been dropped, so was out to prove a point. And it was fitting that a week after my ‘Powerplay’ comment he produces the performance of the night, scoring, turning defenders – all crowned by a majestic left hand save onto the post from a typically accurate rising drive from Todd. The word Tomaszewski was mentioned in the pub. There were names for me too – as I put in, without a shadow of the doubt, the worst goalkeeping performance of all time – including talking, yes – you did read that right, as a ball that I could easily have saved (taking nothing away from the shot Grant) flew past me into the net. In true Lehmann style – I passed the blame onto my teammates.

Anyway – back to the scientific exercise – I think we have conclusively proved that a team of (mostly) defenders can’t play together. Me and Rich N up front, Todd and Rich A at the back. Yep. That’ll work. What was our strategy – the element of surprise maybe? That’s not to say we didn’t have movement – we had to move to find space – space at the back as 6 defenders lined up in front of the keeper. Shirts played well – but spent most of the night working out how to plot a course through the Hampton Court Maze that was our defence.

Remarkably, all looked OK at 2-2, but then Taibi went in goal and 2-2 became 3-2.  And then 4 -2, although this reporter is not taking the blame for Russ’ last minute goal – as, having spent most of the night with 6 men at the back, we decided to have 6 men up front. Ok – we were pressing for the equaliser – but really?

And so 4 – 2 it ended. Deep frustration for many I’m sure. Or maybe just me.

Happy times at the post-match interviews with Andy N, matching the great Sir Stanley Matthews, still playing at 50. Long may it continue.

Teams:

Bibs: Ian C (1), Andy L, Andy N, Ed, Todd (1), Rob (1), Allen

Shirts: Rich A (1), Mike (2), Andy S, Rich N, Roy, Dave, Nick (1)

Result: 4 – 3 shirts

Match Report:

We open this week’s report with an apology for the frankly shoddy reporting of last week’s game which neglected to mention the two goals from the left boot of Richard ‘Baresi’ N. A complaint has been lodged with the Press Complaints Commission and the reporter in question is on his final warning.

You will also notice that goals are now recorded against the scorer’s names above. We take no responsibility for accuracy, especially if the reporter ends up on the losing side / downs one too many at the post match interviews / gets distracted by photographs of barmaids.

Elsewhere – there was a match last night.

A near full turn-out meant the pitch was crowded, space was at a premium which normally means the team that works hardest will prevail – a point made frequently and eloquently by Rich A. He proved to be right as shirts won out in what was a tight, and as commented by many, very enjoyable game. In fact Rich A had a very good night marshalling the shirts, laying on Nick for a lovely finished effort and bagging one himself – earning him this reporter’s ‘player of the night’ vote.

Bibs were certainly in this game, and several moves – notably between Rob (who turned Dave superbly) and Todd could, and probably should, have ended with goals. Rob did end up on the scoresheet later. No advantage was taken during what is now affectionately known as the ‘Roy Powerplay’ which is a testament to both Roy and the defending. A rare outing for Ian C was topped off with a goal, and Todd chipped in too, taking a pass from yours truly (which in truth was a little behind him) and slotting home with his customary ease.

And so it played out. Mike chipping in with 2 and bibs pushing hard for the equaliser at the end – in true Fergie watch-tapping style – demanding the extra 5 minutes for the delayed start.

It’s already a full house for next week so expect another close encounter.

PS: Don’t forget we’ll be celebrating a certain milestone for Andy N next week. Rumours abound that Sibo, the midfield general, may be putting in an appearance.

Teams:

Bibs: Todd, Rob, Roy, Andy N, Russ, Dave

Shirts: Mike, Allen, Rich N, Ed, Nick, Andy L

Result: 5 – 5

Match Report:

Balanced sides again, and a good close match. Indications after posting the teamsheets hinted at shirts being underdogs, which looked to be accurate for the first 15 minutes, as bibs quickly eased into the lead by playing the better passing football. And for a while it looked like that would be the theme for the match. But shirts came back with a purple patch of 3 goals in as many minutes and the game was on. Tight marking from both sides restricted chances – and the odd foul, including mistaking Todd’s head for the ball, mentioning no names (Nick) – kept each side honest. Andy L was on fire (particularly in goal), and the usual suspects did the running.

Some good goals too. Nick opened up his body to finish in style whilst Todd and Mike both had shooting boots on – Todd hitting the woodwork (metalwork) several times – one shot was so hard that had I been in the same timezone, it would surely have taken me into the goal. But undoubtedly the goal of the night award fell to Dave with a running left foot volley into the corner – a top goal at any level of the game. A fact that Dave assures us he mentioned several times to the family!

Some lively debate about the game in the pub too – which hasn’t happened for a while. In a comment reminiscent of the late, great Cloughie – “If God had meant football to be played in the air, He would have put grass in the sky” – Andy N implored Russ to pass the ball on the ground.  Meanwhile the subject of Roy’s goalkeeping reared it’s head again (apologies Roy!). There was total agreement on the MIP – Andy L, who had a great game both in goal and outfield whilst I received my customary ticking-off from Rich N for my performance – which was deserved.

Roll on next week. Don’t forget those bibs and balls.

Teams:

Shirts: Todd, Allen, Rob, Rich A, Roy, Andy N

Bibs: Mike, Rich N, Russ, Dave, Nick, Andy L

Result: 3 – 2 shirts

Match Report:

On a ridiculously cold night, the snow made an unwelcome return – within 10 minutes turning the roads around Berko into an ice rink. Arriving late as I did, the game already underway – it had the feel of those school sports lessons where Mr. ‘Man in a boys world’ sports teacher refused to cancel the lesson.

Thankfully we managed to have a game of sorts, as the usual incumbents of the new 3G pitch proved to have better sense than us and stayed away. It was our first outing on the 3G (if you recall we were offered the switch from our usual pitch) and, snow notwithstanding, it was a pleasant surprise. I for one found my knees ached less in the morning – although I could have done without the pile of shredded Dunlop on my kitchen floor as I took my boots off.

To matters football. The combination of snow and shredded rubber made it hard to gauge passes (what an excuse eh?) and the wood surrounds behind the goal also reduced the chances for comic rebounded own goals. All in all we made a decent attempt at a game, that is when we could see a white ball on the snow (who remembers the days of orange/yellow balls in winter) and it was actually quite a close match. The smaller goals were a welcome addition – perhaps explaining why we get higher results on our usual pitch. It couldn’t possibly be our goalkeeping.

There were several highlights to the evening (not all on the pitch) but my particular football moment was the sight of Nick, as the realisation dawned that Roy had deftly turned him, ploughing on through with a shameless professional foul. The ball merely a spectator in the proceedings. And so it played out to a close 3 – 2, with bibs pressing hard at the end for the equaliser, we delighted in the fact that the 9pm guys turned up ensuring that we didn’t fell obliged to carry on.

And then to the pub. Low turnout – but as it transpired – a lively evening. You will have seen the emails, and I won’t publish details here, but suffice to say our friendly barmaid has a much more interesting day job!

Teams:

Bibs: Todd, Rich A, Andy S, Ed, Andy N

Shirts: Allen, Andy L, Mike, Nick, Dave, Russ

Result: Bibs win  8 – 5 (I think!)

Match Report:

Unbalanced sides again this week – but you will have seen my little whinge on that – as it would seem the curse of the extra man has finally been lifted.

The match opened with shirts steaming into a 4-0 lead, the extra man clearly having an effect, but once organised, bibs came back strongly – aided and abetted by your match reporter, who had a truly woeful game – the shot I ballooned over the cage, balanced against the simple pass I let run between my legs epitomising my evening. At the other end of the scale Rich A could not stop scoring -  a fact he made quite clear to Andy N upon not receiving the pass he was expecting during a bibs attack.

Meanwhile Nick, who continued what is a rich vein of form, was let off remarkably lightly in my view for the Robinho-esque gloves he was sporting (albeit with good reason).  We were also treated to the sight of Andy L pulling off a truly remarkable curling shot from an impossible angle then strolling back with all the nonchalence of Zidane, as if this sort of thing happens to him every week.

In terms of scorers, I woke this morning with the uneasy feeling everyone pitched in but me – or there must have been a hat-trick in there somewhere.  I eschewed (how often do you see that word in a match report) the pub so can’t offer any insight into the post-match activities. Another injury-free week notched up too.

Oh and – United beat Citeh in the other match happening last night.

Teams:

Bibs: Mike, Todd, Andy L, Nick, Grant

Shirts: Allen, Andy N, Rich A, Ed, Andy S, Russ

Result: Bibs win  6 – 5

Match Report:

Rumours of snow proved unfounded as we dragged our rusty bones (or is that just me) onto the pitch for the first time since the Great Snow (as it is now known). After a couple of late drop-outs (ambitious in the extreme to think you’d get away with playing after being away skiing chaps), the sides were rearranged and then re-jigged at the last minute with an – as it proved – astute switch from an Arsenal fan (how often can you say that). We forced the previous incumbents on the pitch off at a prompt 8pm and then proceeded to stand around for 10 mins, as per, sorting ourselves out. Even that delay wasn’t enough as Nick picked up LateOne’s mantle (should we contemplate fines?) but showed his worth late on in the game grabbing 2.

Things started at a fairly slow pace, some of us clearly still struggling with match fitness. The curse of the extra man shining through as ever, coupled with Todd/Mike’s usual energetic performances made this match a close one. The Bibs slick passing, organisation and positional sense from – may I say a leaner Grant -combined with a lack of structure (where is Rich N when you need him) and a tendency to overcomplicate what is, after all, a simple game, kept the Shirts honest and Bibs engaged.

And so it was that the match settled into a tempo of quiet, assured running by the Bibs and increasing shouts of “whose got Todd/Mike/Nick etc” and “c’mon guys – we’ve got the extra man” from the Shirts.

I won’t list all the goal scorers, because I can’t remember them, but suffice to say the majority were scored by the usual suspects – I think.

At the post-match conference, players spilt into two camps (as did the kitty); which could have been taken as a comment on performances but was more likely due to the large creche blocking the bar and the appearance of two non-football interlopers.